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February 20th, 2008
11:08 pm - Ethics Bowl.
San Antonio is beautiful. The riverwalk is amazing, the people are nice and the place is so cute. We're running cases for another hour and then we're crashing.
I hope we do well. I feel confident. This team is really strong, and we all really want it. Four of the five are graduating, so this is our last chance to win big in ethics. I think we can do it!
PS I miss Bryan.
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February 19th, 2008
08:13 am - Ends.
Fidel is stepping down. Hooray.
Yesterday was a whirlwind. Today should be no different.
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February 18th, 2008
09:27 am - INTENSE
This week is killer. I never have weeks this intense.
Today I take a midterm exam in literature. Covering twenty poems: six analysis sections and an essay. Ouch. Oh, and work at bookstore for 4 hours, and alumni center for 3.
Tomorrow I present in my speech class, figure out the hierarchy in humor, attempt to finish the brochure, present my ethics bowl cases (without notes) and run a practice.
Wednesday, I travel. And make sure not to lose any team members. And run practices. And get everything together.
Thursday, I compete in the National Intercollegiate Ethics Bowl Debate. Hopefully, we win.
Friday, I fly out early in the morning, fly into Raleigh. Meet up with Bryan and DSIF it up with our friends from Chapel Hill.
Saturday, take workshops and see shows. Hang with Mr. Ward.
Sunday, take workshops, see shows, look for houses, drive back.
After this weekend, I will be done with ethics bowl - at least prep work. I'm nervous and excited and almost relieved. I will have so much time (which can be used to do my homework and look for jobs after college -- better ones than teaching). But, there's all the work that needs to be done after the competition. Press, handbook updates, finding new recruits, meetings with philosophy professors, website updates. And then I'll be done. I think after this month is over, I'll be much better. March is totally going to be my month. :-)
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09:12 am - A little bit of a rant.
So, the major rule of improv is yes and. Obvious for building a good scene. I think this sort of thing also applies to directing. If you read, talk to, work with or meet Asaf Ronen, he'll confirm this. He's the master of directing improv, and one rule that I think is clutch is avoid using the word "don't." It's negative and it's basically a no. Instead, offer challenges which imply to avoid those mistakes, but instead of saying "don't do this" (which makes you not only feel bad because you did something "wrong" but you focus on the "this" and can't move forward), he tells you to focus on "that." Focusing on that allows you to forget about this, and then you have a better scene. That's only the most basic of Asaf's ideas.
And that's why I think I get so frustrated (Bryan more than me) when people are negative in improv directing because it's the same as denial in scenes.
Something interesting that I didn't notice: some people say things because it helps others, but other people say things just to sound good/important/smart/whatever. It's a cry for attention, and a desperate need for affirmation. "I'm good, right?" is the basic implication of their actions and words. And, surprisingly, Bryan was the one to pick up on it. An utter dependence on feeling like you've got it together. Reality check: you don't. Sorry.
Also, did you know sexism still exists? I didn't, either. Again, I didn't notice it because I was too caught up on patronizing phrases like "We get that a lot," "Don't do this," and "That was bad." But, Bryan was able to point out how when a "good" example had to be set, only men were invited to participate. And everything was by controlled choices; people who wanted to participate couldn't. You had to be asked. And if you were a girl, you were asked into minor roles. And if you were a girl and messed it up, don't worry - guys will do it and fix it (when really they did a worser job). It's amazing the things I don't notice.
But now that I notice them, I can't help but feel frustrated that these people exist. People who I systematically avoid, yet they creep into my daily life anyway. But, that's the world, right? Minorities probably come into to contact with racists, and intelligent people run into dumb people in higher positions all the time (i.e. George Bush -- not saying he's dumb, just saying he rules over some portion of America that is smarter than him). And that's why the real world is hard I guess.
Dealing with people who are fundamentally different and fundamentally frustrating. The sad part: most of the time, they never know. Why? Because society is filled with rules like be nice and smile and nod. And the nicest of these people are people like Bryan, the epitome of nice. He knows full well what you're doing and fully disagrees, but he'll be nice to you because it's what society demands for function. I just can't handle it. And that's totally why I don't belong in the South (for long periods of time).
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February 16th, 2008
08:47 am - The way people are.
The way people argue is so fundamentally wrong. Comparisons are exaggerated and people love to have a false dilemma. I can't stand it. I was reading a forum this morning, and the responses from people just kill me. Check out my google blog for a full rant with included excerpts.
I'm not talking about ethics bowl. Ethics bowl is, by far, the most effective form of debate I've experienced in my seven years of debate. Our team is great, and yesterday's mock competition went so well. This is the best team Clemson's had yet, and I can't help but feel a little bit prideful that I'm captain. If we win, it can't be bad for me at all. There's the plus of me winning with my team, but there's the plus of all my hard work (the workshops, the schedule, the workbook, the agendas, the mock competition, the meetings, the alternates) that I've done...which could be said to have led to a win. If we make the top three, I can't help but be ecstatic. For my team and for me as a debater, but also as a coach. I want to win. Clemson has never placed higher than third in nationals, and I hope this is the year we do it!
Things have been much less stressful for me. I've pulled my hours down at work, and I've dropped my playwriting and my other creative inquiry. Also, I've established weekly meals with friends. Last night, Jason, Bryan and I filmed a new sketch (written by JU, improvised by all) after having a chill evening. Tonight I'm hanging out with some cool chicks after a dinner out with the Buckleys. Plus, the girls in my Brit Lit class and I are getting supper tomorrow to study for our midterm. I couldn't be happier about the blend of school and friend time. After a really stressful period, things are finally back to good. Bryan and I are excited about next weekend's getaway. And after seeing James on Wednesday, we can't help but feel more excited about our spring break trip.
I can breathe again. I'll let you know how we do at nationals. We've put so much work into it, and it's my last competition in college. I really hope we pull a trophy spot!!
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February 14th, 2008
05:49 am - Valentine's Day
It's going to be a happy one. Bryan's already gotten me a big bouquet of pink roses (my fav), a card and an open day. It's going to be a really good day. And I don't think he'll see my surprise coming. ;-)
I love Bryan, and I can't wait to see what his reaction is to my surprise. It's gonna be good.
Check out this week's Tiger. It's a sex edition - which I thought was pretty edgy for Clemson. I hear there will be some good stuff, but I'm imagining that there'll be some unnecessarily bad things.
Oh, quick life update: last weekend we went to Asheville (gorgeous, love it) and saw sword-swallowing and listening to humor readings. So much fun. We also did some improv with a group of funny kids. Also fun. A week from today is Ethics Bowl Nationals. Crazy. I hope we place in the top three!!
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February 7th, 2008
02:47 pm - Relationships.
Love is easy.
Commitment is hard.
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February 6th, 2008
07:16 am - It's a big day.
Today is the day I say no. I've overbooked myself, and I've stretched myself so thin that I break down crying often under the pressure. Today, I'm telling a professor no. Telling a professor that I can't do all these things they want me to do, all these outside activities, all these projects. I can't do it. And I don't want to just be a mediocre student in their class.
After today, I'll be down to 21 credit hours. Bryan wants me to drop another, so I can be more sane and probably so we can hang out more. I don't blame him. I'm thinking about it, and I definitely want more time with him. We're so busy, and if we didn't live together, it would be impossible. Staying up late after school watching Futurama or Daily Show and then telling silly stories and talking about our day: that's the best part of my day. Being with Bryan and just doing nothing but talking: that's what I look forward to.
I didn't realize that I'm having a total girls day. I need to pump the estrogen. I have a lunch date with Rachel, and we're going to put the finishing touches on our spring break trip details (i.e. itinerary). Then, I have my Protestant Reformation and we're focusing on gender relations today. Then, I have Brit Lit and we're reading Pride and Prejudice. I think I'm the only girl who doesn't like this book. There has to be other girls out there who don't like it; I'm going to find them. Then, I'm taking Brooke to my house for dinner and we're watching Across the Universe and drinking Dr. Bob until we're silly. I think I should wear something pink to celebrate.
I'm feeling so much less stressed, and I haven't even told my professor that I'm dropping yet. Part of me is really excited, but the other part is so sad because I hate disappointing people. I am more important than that class. My sanity and my time is worth more than whatever that class can do for me. It's my last semester. I'm a graduation senior, and I need to be relaxed. Well, not relaxed, but have more time to see friends and Bryan.
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February 5th, 2008
07:48 am - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I don't think I'm going to make it out of this semester alive.
Yesterday, I worked two jobs and attended three classes. Oh, and a lunch with my two favorite Buckleys. And I didn't get home until after 10.
Today, I'm getting to campus at 9 and staying on campus until 8 (with a 45 minute break for dinner...Sonic?). I have five classes today. Thankfully, no work--except all the homework.
I'm barely making it. Taking this many hours was certainly a mistake. I wanted the fun of playwriting, humor and my creative inquiry (and there's no way I could turn down ethics bowl--not with a coaching opportunity and a chance at nationals). Even humor has been tainted by the schedule. We're working on our first publication, and I'm having the damnedest time trying to find the time to work on my piece. I want to do well, and I want to do everything. I'm starting to realize, it just can't happen. I've totally overbooked myself this semester.
So, I apologize in advance about my inability to return emails or facebook stuff. I just can't do it all.
Oh, and Bryan's getting me something for Valentine's Day. So, now I have to think of something brilliant and sweet for him. Ah!!
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February 2nd, 2008
09:28 am - Sad face,
I'm so disappointed. For more reasons than one. The initial act of abandoning was bad enough, but later acts just broke my heart.
Met with a killer apology and sincerity, I just don't know what to do. I have a partially broken heart, but a mind that understands and accepts the apology. How do you deal?
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